Why?

For those who are not religious, you might not want to read...or you might read and decide I am just being introspective....you're choice...but no judging.

So recently I find myself thinking Why...why not married? Why no children? Why not a better job? Why does my life feel like a waste? Why has China changed their ruling on adoptions for singles

I try so hard to remember that God has a plan, he has had a plan for me since before I was born. I am getting impatient waiting for this plan to happen, especially when everyone else seems to have 'gotten their plan' I am still waiting for mine...is it lost in the mail? Did I miss the clues? Did I not take a risk?

I have only had one wish out of life and that is to be a mom. Honestly when starting college, I really had no direction as I really wanted to be a mom. I wanted to put my heart and soul into making a home for a family. I wanted to be the kool-aid mom. I wanted to have milk and cookies ready when the kids came home from school, I wanted to have them sitting at the kitchen table doing homework while I cooked dinner. I know I paint a rosy picture of motherhood and a blogger friend of mine reminded me of the temper-tantrums...but hey this is my dream and I can be June Cleaver if I want too.

I keep re-reading my favorite passage from The Bible.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8; 11
For everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal;
a time to break up and a time to build up;
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek and a time to lose;
a time to keep and a time to cast away;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time; also he has put eternity into man's mind, yet so that he cannot find out what God has dome from the beginning to the end.


I read this at my grandpa's funeral, my friend's grandma's and my great grandmother's funeral. Most recently it was read at my cousin's funeral in Kentucky. He died suddenly at his own hand and when Jackie read the reading I was reminded that we have to be patient....I am trying...but my patience is wearing out....